Category Archive

I know what you are and I’ll tell you someday because I know that you know you don’t know. I really do have a lot to say to you. I’m almost all caught up now.

Director: Danny Boyle
Actors: Ewan McGregor, Ewen Bremner, Jonny Lee Miller, Kevin McKidd, Robert Carlyle, Kelly Macdonald, Peter Mullan, James Cosmo, Eileen Nicholas, Susan Vidler, Pauline Lynch, Shirley Henderson, Stuart McQuarrie, Irvine Welsh, Dale Winton
Screenplay: http://www.godamongdirectors.com/scripts/trainspotting.shtml

I’ll pretend I’ve done drugs and say this film is the real deal. All joking aside, I believed every bit of this movie and that says something. This film shined where others flopped.

I usually hate narration, but not this time. I love the beginning and ending list Renton shoots off and how I sat in the comfy chair thinking about those simple yet resounding words. The one scene that is burned into my mind is the one where the camera switches between a slowmotion Renton in his flat and on a soccer feild, falling. I never knew something so simple could be so ethereal and poetic.

The one scene I hated was the one showing where he was moving. It seemed like an amateur move and something I’d see in a tv sitcom between set movements.

This movie made me laugh (toilet dive), and feel horrid inside (withdrawal, baby). It was a rollecoaster I might want to get on a couple more times in the future.

I can’t remember totally what I wrote last night but I can remember it was good and then word press was angry with my ass and decided it wouldn’t post anything. This is what I can muster up from the depths of a part of my brain that I can’t even pronounce. Maybe this is fates way of saying what I will do shouldn’t be done but who needs fate anyways?

The blood smelt of hospital meat and hospice feet. There’s something about the undiscovered and the intrigue. Those drunks and pinstriped overalls make me cry at night. I want to give up but I only want to take one step backwards, is that even possible? Its been knocking me all the wrong ways.

Ode to the people beside me:
-I want to smack you up main street and back with your inappropriate words, but you will go on to do great things.
-You should remember me more often even when I remember you, you almost got me that morsel of food.
-You didn’t intimidate me today, maybe it was because we were lovers hypothetically speaking.
-I thought you looked different today, I stared at you at class when you were unawares and I wondered if I felt differently about you. Damn stirrings.
-I can’t believe you ever did anything with her, you don’t seem alike and you seem like its old news when really its not.
-Stop talking like that please, I like it when you refer to yourself as I and Me and Pee.
-I’m scared that being a failure will make you act like I’m a failure.
-Its like you have a totally different mind than I do and yet you know me, you really do.

He lay on his makeshift bed and envisioned naked women, tried to rather. Fantasies don’t always come true. She threw a pillow at him and he was jerked back into the real world, where the real people can see naked girls in their minds. Maybe this wasn’t his night, maybe he wouldn’t get any sleep, maybe he’d end up in a cold sweat not knowing what to do. He stumbles to the bathroom and turns the tap to ‘frigid’. He sprays water on his face and looks at his brown eyes in the mirror. Cold showers help you burn calories and a cold shower is a right of passage. He pulls of his zoo shirt and slips off his flannel pants and starry boxers. He looks back in the mirror and tries to envision a naked woman beside his flaccid penis. He turns the shower to C and forces himself not to shiver and weeps like a baby. Maybe this was the right of passage he’d been searching for, maybe this was how he’d get through the day. He choked back the tears until he stopped producing them and turned the shower off and stepping back onto the cold tile floor of the bland bathroom. He pulls up the starry boxers and flannel pants over his shrunken penis. He pulls on his zoo shirt and slips back into bed. He likes to think that in the morning the sheets will be dry and there won’t be anything on his skin. He stares at the ceiling.

Its a disgusting feeling knowing what you know.  The next time I do it I’ll surely think of you and then I might have it all figured out.  Have a nice day fucker.  I honestly don’t know why I do some of the things I do.  I know I don’t want to do something and I know that I’ll regret it and yet I still do it and feel bad later.  I hate that so hard.

I’ll wear a new outfit tomorrow for that shoot, maybe it will be good, maybe it’ll snow like in those magazine shots.  You never can tell with nights like these.  I hate that perspective.  I want to rip those pearly whites right out of that smile.  I want to lick that little tounge of yours and feel that sexual charge.   Right now.

That pop song was too loud.  It could have been quieter but not too quiet now.  You don’t have to question everything.  Take it like it is, take it like a man.  I ain’t here to watch you talk, I’m not here to see them flock, I’m not here to get it girl, I’m not here to find dirty slugs.

I don’t feel bad about doing nothing but thats not my problem.  You won’t answer, I’m not answering.  This time of year shouldn’t make me feel this way, but it does.  That heavy feeling in my chest isn’t nothing.  Its something and its making me sick.  I couldn’t move if I wanted to.  And somehow it always ends up like this.  I can’t wait until I can be whole and happy but look back.

I’m tired of school and work. I’m so tired of driving in the snow, reading slow.

Its almost over and I’m excited. I made him awkward and I yelled at him and told him I wasn’t mad but I wasn’t, just sad. Come down here, I will.