Bury your head in music, elbow your mug of tea, kill someone’s time, you don’t want the same thing. I’m glad you came forward and I’m glad you were being honest. Just a little more credit would be nice. But why do I want the credit? Why do I feel like I need that affirmation from someone I don’t care about. I will feel good about what I’ve done, and not worry about what you do. We live close but that’s the only thing close about us. Our relationship goes nowhere from there fast. No more guilt. Get rid of it and so I can run because its really only a couple more months until I’m free.
Somehow I can’t stop smiling when you’re close by. When you touch my hand. And I don’t worry or over think what we’ve got one bit. That scares me because I always over think things through. Its nice to know I can think about this all critically. I hope you don’t go into a tail spin, because I want you to survive. I want you to thrive. I think you are pretty amazing but I just don’t know. I went to the bathroom and was overcome by such intense feelings. At the time I thought I was just real sad but the thing is I don’t know. I feel stupid, I feel scared, I feel confused, I feel excited, I feel nervous. I’m a wreck in all senses of the word. I want to stuff my face with food that I don’t have in front of me. I want to bike until my legs fall off. I want to call someone but I don’t know who to call. I feel that its very difficult being myself around someone I know intimately and my friends. I feel lost and weird. I feel like I’m trying to impress them if I act normally, but if I act differently my friends point it out and I feel even odder.
