Out of fucking body experience. I turned off the bathroom light because there was nobody needing any light inside. And I took a handful of those knock off candies (nordic not swedish) because on some level I think they’ll make me feel better. When I feel gross I look for something to eat. I open the fridge and just stare. I open the freezer and just stare. I open the pantry and just stare. I’m so fucking numb all the fucking time. I don’t think I’ve been able to breath in a while. I need to start doing yoga or something. And I’m scared to say how much I like your girlfriend because I don’t want people thinking that I like her too much (compared to your boyfriend). I’m ready for what my brother has, but not what my sister has. They are two totally different spectrum’s I suppose.
This is me craving more. This is me not crying. This is me dreaming and hearing cats race around on the roof. This is me frustrated and craving craving craving. This is me lusting. This is me stuffing my mouth. This is me being completely irrational. This is me seething. This is me listening to ‘new stuff’. This is me trying but not hard enough. This is me petrified of 1000 people. This is me not knowing where to go. This is me fantasizing about doing shit to you. This is me pulling my hair out. And this is me being me.
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