Hell and Back Again

Do you find it oddly horrific yet comforting? Do you find comfort in horrific things?

In Common

Your blurry picture doesn’t tell me anything but you have nice cheek bones. Everything is blurred today. Conversations and tv shows that don’t really matter but get my heart and mind racing. I don’t live in Mexico. You’re all over the place. I’m pretty sure how this will all end, but who knows, people have worked shit out like this before, maybe we could too?

I opened the box with fish and whales on it. It was under my bed and I know exactly how long its been down there. Tears welled up in my eyes because what was inside the box was my innocence.

Here’s to dreaming and not thinking! And feeling what I used to feel and being who I am and crying and heartbreak! I need to go to bed but I’m being kept up by myself.

Another’s Memory

I went to the vampire weekend show in central park. It rained and rained and rained. It almost felt like forever. But the music was good. I stood beside the man in yellow but I didn’t look him in the eyes because I didn’t want him to think I thought he was good looking. I wasn’t attracted to the poncho, rather the man underneath. He had blue eyes, brown hair, a nice jaw line. The whole night I didn’t see him smile or frown. Then later at night I crashed at my friends house. He doesn’t have anything yellow in his closet, so fuck that shit. I fell asleep beside him and he said that he’d try not to move. I woke up in the hall with a little girl asking me to move so she could get her bike out so she could bike to her friends house. I didn’t feel that disoriented, weird things happen every day. So yeah, don’t see Vampire Weekend.

I was minding my own business when Ms. Business woman waltzes in the library and starts browsing. That cunt. I could smell the old books and I had a stack in my arms already (it made it hard to look at the titles of the books but I’m good with balancing acts).

I’m friggin anxious!

Drunk as Shit

Why do you want to kiss me (last time I didn’t kiss you back and I kind of regret it)? Is that why you want to get me drunk? So I stop lieing to you, and you can figure out what I really mean? I think so.

Everybody was downstairs. I went up to the kitchen in the split level because my tea was steeping and I hate tea that’s too strong. I put my mouth to the mug and it was too hot. I always burn my tongue on stuff like that but it’s like an inside joke between me and my tongue. We have good times, my fleshy appendages and I. They probably all thought I was dead inside taking pictures like before but people will think what they want to think I guess. I don’t know how it happened but you came up stairs, told me you should probably leave, and then asked me what I was drinking. I explained to her that it was christmas tea (even though christmas is something I cannot believe in, thus, I don’t capitilize it) and I was using a small strainer because there was no top to the loose tea holder contraption. You started talking about your dreams, and I told you that I thought they were our subconciouses means to advising us what to do, or they represent things that’ll happen or happened and shine a light on some confusion (that we all have sometimes). You thought that they were about your last thought before you went to sleep (maybe it’s different for everybody and I’m just pretending I do voodoo shit). You went on to explaining re-occuring dreams you’ve had about Q-tips, and I was confused. Maybe if I was you I’d know exactly what they represented, but you didn’t tell me anything so I pretended you didn’t know anything.

Fucked

Its my middle name, fucked. Not because I’ve done anything, I just have that sinking feeling when you know you should be gone but really you’re still there stareing at that dead duck. A rabbit actually. We walked away and later all that was left was some blood from its ear. Perverts!

Maybe its all too much for one day. We went to the zoo and watched a movie rated G. I’m getting more childish as the days go on!

When I put my hand just like this

When I put my hand just like this, on my hip see? And I move forward and forward to the music it feels just good. Perfect.

We were in China, because all the people that lived there were chinese. We were told the game started now and jumped off the bus. I was the first to crawl through the dark tunnel and at first I was scared but then I was like fuck, I’m tired of being scared and just kept crawling. I was again the first one to get out of the tunnel which was great, because it was a game, not a challenge, a game! I found the plaque and tried swimming through all the muck. It was very swampy. When everybody had left I crawled out of the tunnel and magickly appeared amidst a group of 2 best friend chinese girls. They didn’t mind that I was there so I started talking to them. They were lost or something along those lines. So we did have something in common. We walked to a little dinner on a picturesque mountain and there was a bus outside. I suppose somebody was having a field trip. I dared the fat one to hijack it. I turned around and then heard the start of an engine. She was actually do it. I couldn’t contain myself and by the looks of it neither could she. I fell to the ground and the tension in my stomach was almost killing me, but I couldn’t control my laughter. She stopped the bus right on top of me, and jumped out panicking. I stopped laughing and my truck was in the parking lot. “I guess I could drive you guys home..” “That’d be nice.” I let them jump in the back and drove them home because I actually knew where they lived. Just up the hill and to the right a little bit. The first driveway actually.

A brick just lifted off my chest. Guilty pleasures can do that sometimes.