Anyone Would Drown

But we’re not just anyone (go to bed, please)
Its all a mind game (give me a reprise)
One of those crazy jest because I jest games (selfish)
Don’t think its my face you should be worrying about (without you who would there be to fuck up?)
Have mercy, my soul is being drained (throw that pen down)
Piano music does have its perks (bad bad bad dreams)
The crescendos are soothing and kind (tried to make my voice scratchy)
Kids choirs sing only one note (don’t ever touch me, or maybe you could)

If I don’t get my hopes up or ever get let down again will I ever be happy? Would I feel real? If I ever said that I’d never do something and then did it would I ever be able to trust myself? Would I feel real? If I listen to music that I don’t like will I figure out what I do like? Would I feel real?

I cracked it!

By george I’ve got it, I mean I’ve cracked it! I REALLY DID. I know what you said now, I know exactly what you meant and how you meant it. Its a shame though that I hadn’t figured it all out during the time it all went down. Shits always going down and I’m not apart of it but I like it that way, promise.

Since when did the phrase ‘Get a life!’ mean ‘Get a social life!’ or ‘You don’t have that many close friends!?’

‘I wish’ is different then ‘I will’. All I see recently is insecure teenagers trying to be people they aren’t. Defining themselves through the people they see on tv and read about. Typical typical typical teens.

Just Go On

My life philosophy is to notice the little things in life, to constantly keep my ears and eyes out for things that make my heart sing. I believe that nothing I’ve felt is unique, chances are there’s somebody on the other side of the world that’s felt the same way as I have. So when I feel lonely, technically I’m not because there’s somebody else that feels lonely out there and together we’re not lonely. I’m always thinking of new definitions of what life is for me, and I think I need to keep a philosophy journal.

I think I’m here to treat others with respect even when I don’t get respect back from all my peers. I think that life is a great big circle, and every bodies circle is different but ends up and begins the same but really there is no beginning or end rather similarities that intertwine all of the circles.

I also believe that during the course of my life a majority of it will be spent trying to better my own self worth. I do feel like shit too much, and I think that another life philosophy of mine is to surround myself with people and things that make me feel good about myself and in turn I can make the people and things around me feel good about their selves.

This is now

This is me now ignoring the phone ringing. This is her now talking and trying to work out a time that’d work out for the four of us soon to be three apparently. This is me ignoring her. This is me sitting and chewing the inside of my cheeks because its a habit I’ve recently picked up. This is me listening to some smooth and upbeat music. This is me being pretentious. This is me not giving a fuck what I used to think. And this is me thinking about the future. The future. The big F word.

Even though everything is pretend and nothing is really real it hurts a bit. Even though I told you exactly what to do about say, 5 times, you don’t get it. Maybe if I mustered up the courage to swear in front of you I’d feel better, maybe even awesome.

You said you had diarrhea and I had no idea what you were talking about so I plugged my nose just for you you dumb dumb dumb dumb kid. And now there are three people. Like the holy trinity but theres nothing holy about it, at least I don’t think so.

Coffee and Run-ins

You can stuff your fat ass with as much candy as you want but it won’t make you any younger, thats a promise! I really did say I wanted something new to listen to and holy shit did I ever scrounge up some good stuff. I won’t say anything anyways, so why bother thinking about the speaking? Why bother even thinking? I know I know, it really did feel good to be nervous. Anyways, I didn’t pass up this chance and I won’t pass up the next one, I promise. And I’ll feel proud of myself, like this time, because I like that feeling and if everybody felt like that at least twice in their life they’d be happy because they’d understand what I’m understanding right now. I’m satisfied. I’m sore. I’m tired. I’m happy. I’m truly happy. I’ve reached some goals and reaching goals is usually a good thing.

Fred Marsh

He works at D&M Foods as a greeter but he hates it. He only applied for the job to make Helen (his sister) happy and it really did make her happy. He liked that bit of the job but thats all. He holds onto the past but I don’t have to tell you that.

I’m There

I’m there, well almost. I’m in it, all the way. I’ll listen to this cd all the way through. I’ll try to be unique, through art. I’ll be who I want to be, and I’ll become what I want to be. I’ll be something new, something interesting.

I’m tired of doubting, I’m tired of questioning, I’m tired of being stressed, I’m tired of being guilty, I’m tired of feel sick, I’m tired of being whole, I’m tired of walking, I’m tired of thinking, I’m tired of religion, I’m tired of people, I’m tired of being accused, I’m tired of feeling paranoid, I AM TIRED OF FEELING PARANOID. I shouldn’t have to be, I know that, but I am. I can’t help it, I can’t! I’m always looking over my shoulder, I’m always thinking what they’re thinking, I’m tired of thinking of what you’re thinking. I hate that I do it, but I do it and thats all there is to it.

Communion

He sat there in his pew with his collar buttoned up tight, wearing those black shoes. The silver plate whose reflection bounced off the ceiling in weird formations was making its round again. All he could think about was which piece of bread he’d get. It was in his dad’s hand and his eyes zeroed in on the piece that would soon be in his stomach. Then it was his turn, plate in hand, and eyes on the bread. The pastor said the line and everybody ate. It didn’t mean anything, it didn’t reaffirm anything, it just was bread. No symbolism needed. Fulfillment in its blandest form.