I don’t know what I feel. Don’t feel silly. I’ll try not to. Thanks alot. For what? Escaping the time. They’re giggling! Run away or throw a rock at them! I can’t, they know we’re here… We both know we didn’t mean the same thing. I suppose, why? We’re both right. We stand corrected. Imagine what being on the news would feel like. I’d rather make lists y’know. I know, but remember? What? How long that second was? Talk about the bad times. I remember the bad. Are you there yet?
You could say that…it usually is a happy thing, not right now though. I hate that. What? The unhappy love. I can’t wait until I can feel totally comfortable with a male. I’m always in my head and my head always seems to be doing the talking and I want to get out of that.

You really don’t have to be a pushover all the time. Part of me wanted you to be because at the time it was the right thing to be, do what I say and you’ll succeed in life. But thats not true, only this one time will you succeed. Only this one time should you really be a pushover. All other times you should stick up for yourself and do what you feel is right.

I know that there is a missing link and thats why the music is playing. I know this feeling inside of me, this clenched up heart, this muddled brain, and I know what it leads too and I hate those chalky pills so much. I miss the music already but I can play it in my own head. I can make my own music without becoming cheese, I can, I can, I CAN!

He looks so good but I can’t touch the television screen. I can’t stand next to him, I can’t smell him. I can look at myself in the television reflection but thats boring. I’ve seen myself before. It was an addiction but not anymore. Nope, no more self enjoyment, no more pleasure, no more hope, no more steely cold. None of that. I don’t even know whats going on in those moving pictures. I can’t wait until that age when I can feel safe to do what you did but do it with more passion and more recklessness and less thought. Maybe then I will feel good about not being able to see you. Maybe then I’ll have validation. Its a diy strip club and I can tell your dreams are coming true (mine aren’t if you really want to know). I don’t want to be looking over my shoulders all the time. Allthetime.

I think its a bit of magic how you’re getting smashed all the time. I like the little hamster and your perfect hair. Everybody always pretends they have claws. I know what that sound means. All the time I hear it. Allthetime. I can’t wait until I get to that place, it’ll feel so good. I felt nervous but that can only mean one thing and usually new things are good things. I said I can call I suppose. I’m scared, the message you left, the broken up language, the beep that cut off your train of thought. My thoughts are a steam engine of fuck.